I hate to sound like my mother. She told us so many, many times, over a period of years, that she would not be with us much longer. Whether she believed that, or had her own motives for wanting us to believe it, I guess we will never know. We learned to ignore it most of the time. No, I don't want to sound like that. But it was part of my own reason for the blog name. I didn't think I was really quite ready to move on at that time, but I didn't believe it would be quite this long. More recently, I do believe it won't be long. I'm not in any hurry, but I am ready whenever the time comes, and quite content.
Oh, we are never really "ready". There are many things I would like to finish, mostly to make it easier for those I leave behind. But I have resigned myself to the fact that I've left those things too late. I am no longer capable of finishing the job, in that sense. Sorry about that. But I have lived a long, full, and very happy lifetime. I have been far more fortunate than most in so many ways. And it is enough.
I love my children and my grandchildren very much of course, and I am satisfied that they can all take very good care of themselves now, so my job is done. I love my friends - such good friends - and thank them from the bottom of my heart just for being who they are, and allowing me the privilege of being part of their lives for a while.
No one on this planet knows what comes next. It's the last great adventure, isn't it? Each of us knows what he wants to believe. I want to believe that I will be with those I love who have gone before, and that some part of me will still be around, watching all of you, and loving you as much as ever.
Gee, I'm beginning to sound morbid. That's certainly not my intention. I don't feel that way in the least. No tears necessary. It's all good. But I am kind of looking forward to whatever comes next, and feel as if I'm almost there. If I'm wrong - OK. That's good too. You just never know what's around the next corner, do you? It's usually something pretty interesting.
My blog is just two years old. 2010 is only a week old. Have to wonder where they are both headed, and what I will be doing as each of them goes on. When I was young I was so sure of where I was going. Now I just take each day as it comes and try to make the most of it. Go with the flow, as they say. And this post is wandering off and becoming very weird. Probably should have stopped a paragraph or so back, or maybe never started it at all. I think that I will end it right here, and go think of something else to talk about.
I wasn't going to put this toon in my blog - just made it for myself - but, what the heck. Must be the introspective thing that comes with the start of a new year.
