1964

With all the talk of death recently, it started me thinking.

In the summer of 1964 my husband had his first heart attack. It's sometimes strange, the way our minds work - or don't work - in an emergency situation. I think that if the emergency is happening to someone else we are better able to be reasonable and objective. If it is happening to us, we are more emotionally involved and it gets in the way of reason. Ralph was not feeling very well all that day. As his work day ended, he definitely knew that something was very wrong. He got into the car and started home, and as he drove he became more and more aware that he needed help. Instead of heading to a hospital, or stopping at either his sister's home or his brother's - both of which he passed on the way - all he could think of was reaching his own home.

He literally staggered into the front door and told me he was having a heart attack. At the time we had three children, ages five, four and three. The neighbors in back of us were barbecuing outside. I rounded up our children and pushed them through the gate, calling to my friends to watch them, and I drove Ralph to the Emergency Room. Why did I not call an ambulance? I have no idea. Like his, my mind just wasn't working logically.

It turned out to be a very mild attack, but he was hospitalized for three weeks. I cannot see to drive at night, so I visited him every afternoon, leaving the kids with a baby sitter or a neighbor. The oldest was being really difficult and cranky, but I put it down to her missing her father and not liking the baby sitter. After a week or so, I was putting her to bed one night when she said to me, "Mommy, where do you go every day?" Of course I had told her that Daddy was sick and I visited him in the hospital, and I repeated this to her now. She got very angry and said, "No you don't! Daddy is dead." Well, that was a shocker for me. It seems that she had been listening to other children talking about a Little League coach who had a heart attack on the field, and had died. So, she knew that if you had a heart attack, you died. That was all there was to it in a five year old's mind.

Children were not permitted to visit in hospitals in those days. Fortunately for all concerned, my husband's room was on the first floor. I had the baby sitter bring the kids with me when I visited the next day, and she took them around to the window. He got out of bed (against doctor's orders) and came to the window to talk to them.

You never know what a child is thinking or how they are interpreting events around them. Even at that young age, Ruth kept her feelings to herself, and did not share them until she thought she had things all worked out. It's a bit frustrating for those who love her and want to be supportive. In 1964 I should have been more aware of her feelings. I suppose I was concentrating too exclusively on my husband's health.

By the way, he did recover from that attack, and returned to work after a stay at home, during which he drove me a little crazy. He was not a man who could stand being idle for long, or allow others to do things for him. We were to have eleven more years and another child before his next attack. He also kept things to himself when he thought they might worry us. This time I should have been more aware of his needs instead of concentrating so much on the children. His death in 1975 left me in shock. But, that's another story.

Blogiversary

It's been a whole year! I can't believe that has happened.

I'll bet no one remembers this:

Monday, January 7, 2008

Just getting started. I must admit, I haven't thought this through. I'm not even sure I really want to blog. Several people have urged me to do it and I'm not sure why.

Well, let's see. I do enjoy putting my thoughts on paper. I love photography, and think I would enjoy posting photos along with my random yammerings, just for my own enjoyment if nothing else. Guess maybe I'll give it a shot. I love reading blogs. Have a list a mile long, and feel as if I know these people who regularly come into my living room via their blogs. One is my youngest daughter and another my closest friend. Oddly enough I learn a great deal about those two by reading their blogs. Wonder what they may learn about me by reading mine?

Don't think they will learn much about me from this entry. It's going to be very short. I must gather my thoughts a bit and decide just what direction this will take - what purpose it will serve (if any). I assume some people will read it, if only out of curiosity, and I don't want to bore them to death. OK. I'll get back to you later.



What amazes me is that five people actually commented on that! Of course, four of them knew me: Lisa, my daughters Kitty and Ruth, and the girl who had been my maid of honor. The other was Ralph, from Homespun Headlines, who is still commenting on my posts today, God bless him. And my second post had three comments, two referred by those people. One was sent by Lisa: Laura from Somewhere in New Jersey, who is still a friend.

It was sort of an accident that I got started at all. I'd been stumbling around on line and hit the wrong buttons. When it told me I'd actually created a blog, I guess I was in a crazy mood, and said "What the heck - why not see what it would look like?" Oooops! Now I've done it! What shall I say? But I went on to write about my name, and my kids, and my husband, and then seemed to have a few more things to talk about so I just kept going. Here I am, 380 posts later, still talking.

It seems to be like therapy for me. I was old, and tired and discouraged and sometimes lonely. Now I'm not. Well, yes, I'm even older, but that's inevitable, isn't it? But now I have a whole community of people I feel are my friends. You just can't have enough friends! I love you guys! Thanks for being out there.

Happy Birthday, Ruth!

Everybody is celebrating! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RUTH!

My first born! It was so good to see you at Christmas! Don't make it so long between visits next time. Love you!

Ruth

Someone suggested that I write about my children. I have done that, early this year, when I first started blogging. I did a sort of summary of my four. I've also written quite a bit about my youngest, Kitty, and did a post on the next youngest, Rita. I had every intention of going on to the other two, but somehow got distracted along the way. So, today I will talk about my third girl, Ruth. She is the oldest of the four.


Ruth had to be the most eagerly and happily anticipated baby that ever was. Ralph and I were both anxious to start our family. She was born on December 30th, just in time to give us a tax deduction for the year, thank you. We carried her home and put her under the Christmas tree.


She was an angel. Slept through the night from the very first. She talked very early - never baby talk. It was startling to hear grown up words coming from her little mouth so early.


She was only fifteen months old when her little brother arrived. She looked him over, saw the piece of umbilical cord still on his tummy and wanted to know what that was. I gave her the briefest possible explanation, and she said, "Oh. You mean he was plugged in." OK. That was a pretty good answer. She seemed delighted with him.



In another sixteen months, they were joined by another baby girl. I don't think that Ruth was quite so thrilled about this one, though she never acted out. She always seemed to know what we wanted to hear, and that's what she gave us. Joe was a big boy, and always seemed able to hold his own with big sister. Rita was always very small for her age, and Ruth often tried to bully her. She was feisty though, and could usually manage, but we had to watch them. Ruth gave her a pretty hard time, except when we were looking.



Because she acted older than her years, and simply because she was the oldest, I think we may have expected a bit much of her. But she rose to the challenge, and she was always as good as gold. Never gave us any problem - until she was five. Then one day she walked into the kitchen alone, came out looking all innocent, and shortly after, when I happened to go in there I found all the gas jets turned on. "Did you do this?" "No" And that was how it all began. She really gave us a run for our money. She was smart as a whip, and had a very strong opinion of her own capability to do whatever she set her mind to, with or without our approval. She never told us if she got into any kind of difficulty - until she had found her way through it, and the whole thing was resolved. Then she might confide what had gone on. (She's still like that.)
I used to tell her she was responsible for every gray hair on my head. We lived in New York, and as the kids became teenagers, they had a curfew. She never kept it.



Ruth was ten years old when number four came along. She immediately became a second mother to Kitty. Here they are in 1969. The oldest and youngest remain close to one another today. But Ruth often tried to override my advice or wishes concerning Kit. And guess who Kitty listened to more often than not.



Isn't it lucky for us all that kids do manage to outgrow most of their less than charming traits as they get older?



Two years after Ralph passed away, the rest of us moved to New Jersey, where we could be close to family members. Ruth remained in New York, where she was attending college. She has never left. She is a true Long Island girl. This is how my girls looked in 1980. The three of them are so different in appearance.




Soon after college graduation, Ruth married Gary, the boy she had been seeing for some time. They remained on Long Island. In due time, there were two children - now adults. She and Gary have since divorced, but we haven't managed to persuade her to join us here. Her life has been in New York forever, and she has many good friends there and is enjoying the job that she has now. And of course, her children are there.




This is one of my favorite pictures of her. I think it's typical of her today.




Ruth has become more than my daughter. She is now my very good friend. I am very proud of her. She is a warm, wonderful person. She has a gift for story telling, and can keep you in stitches of laughter at any given time. Whenever she might decide to re-locate to Jersey, it would make me very happy.
But I'm not holding my breath.

Blog Posts

My daughter did another blog post yesterday. In fact, she did two.

She lives 3000 miles away. We email, we telephone, but it isn't enough. When she does a post (which isn't nearly often enough because of her busy life these days) it means so much to me. It gives me just a little insight into what she is thinking these days, perhaps how she is feeling. I probably read too much into it. My imagination carries me a little too far. But it's something.

I miss her.



I have another daughter who lives 200 miles away. Within easier traveling distance, yes. But due to circumstances, we do not see one another very often. I miss this daughter very much. She is the one most like me in many ways - although I must admit, at one time or another, I feel each of my three daughters are "most" like me. I even feel that about my son at times.

She does not blog any more. Has not for a number of years. I wish she would, but her writing style is very different from her sister's. She goes for humor in her writing and her speech. It is more likely to hide her feelings rather than betray them. I need to talk with her, to see her face to face.



I guess that today I am just missing having all of my children together.

My Girls

My New York daughter called me yesterday. She asked me if I was still hearing voices in the attic. Yes, I am. We decided it must be the dish on the roof picking up someone's radio. We got a little silly about it, and she suggested that I start my own radio station, using the dish. She says the station's call letters could be WBLOG.



California daughter put up pictures on Flickr. This one was taken during Monterey's July 4th celebration. Pretty cool, huh?



New Jersey daughter celebrated her birthday Sunday.
We don't get the whole family together very often any more. Her brother and sister-in-law took her to a birthday breakfast on the way home from church. Then she and I had our ice cream cones later.



The weather changed enough that I drove up to the Point on Saturday night. The Villas Girl (who is sort of my other daughter) goes almost every evening, walks the beach, watches dolphins leaping, and chats with whoever is there. I didn't do all that, but watched the birds and bunnies and the kites flying over the water. Got a few nice pictures of the sun going down.

Of course I had to run home before it went all the way down.
I turn into a pumpkin if I try to drive after dark.

FAMILY VISIT - PART 2

As for the rest of our family visit, Ruth came down from New York. We hadn't seen her in what seems like forever! Before she reached us, she was greeted by one of the Township's finest because she didn't come to a full stop at the corner.


We all went over to Joe and Jan's for dinner. Joe is a great cook, and he outdid himself this time. Jan made a yummy dessert.


Isaac loved the BIG back yard at Joe's house. This little three year old managed to connect with a wiffle bat and a rubber ball for four long hits! He throws right handed and bats left. (Or is it the other way round?) But I think the consensus is that we will wait until he's at least five before we declare him a future All Star.


Aunt Ruth is such a bundle of energy at times, and so much fun! She and Isaac had a great time together


Back at my house the next day, Michael went to work on my computer. Yes, he made the switch from Linux to Micro Soft. He spent hours on the job, dealing with the dozens of Bookmarks, hundreds of pictures, and all of the other nonsense I've accumulated and probably should have got rid of long ago.

I had no concept of how much time and work this would involve, mostly created by me and my lack of computer knowledge. I am so grateful for his skill and his patience with me.


Isaac and Aunt Rita enjoyed playing with the castle. He loves that castle. It was his mothers when she was his age. It always amuses me to see him playing with the medieval castle, complete with accessories such as Match Box cars, a dinosaur, various sea creatures, and a washer and dryer from his mom's doll house.


On Sunday morning, most of them went to the beach for a while. Too cold and windy for me! I chickened out. But I went along the next day to the Point, where there was, of course, the obligatory picture-in-front-of-the-lighthouse. And we went over to the lake, where Isaac "went fishing" with a stick that he found.


It was hard to say good-by, as it always is, but our little boy was more than ready to go home. He throws himself into the enjoyment of the moment, wherever he is and whatever he is doing. But he is always happy to get back to home and pre-school and his routine.


Me too.