Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Dear Hearts and Gentle People

I miss Jack. I knew him literally from the day I was born. Hadn't seen him of course, since the 50's. Corresponded sporadically. In very recent years it was only brief notes, often written to me by his dear friend, due to his Parkinson's Disease. And still more recently, only emails from that friend - not from him at all. But I knew he was there, in New York. And now he's gone.

I miss my sister, too. I miss her terribly. It's been eight years. I still have the impulse to turn up Whildane Avenue as I pass by. I want to sit with her as she busies herself with knitting needles or crochet hook, pausing to look out her window each time someone walks or drives by. She always wanted to know what was going on in her neighborhood.

I miss my friend, Josephine, also a New Yorker. I didn't see her often when she was alive. But again - I knew she was there. It has been many years since Jo left us. Still, when something important to the family is happening, or I hear really good news, I instinctively reach for the phone to share it with her.

Most of all, even after thirty-two years, I miss Ralph. People have often asked why I never remarried. It always surprises me a little when they ask. I guess, even now, I still feel married - sort of. There was a day in 1982 - I remember it clearly. I even remember exactly where I was at that moment - when I suddenly realized that I wasn't married any longer. As a matter of fact, it was my 25th wedding anniversary, and Ralph had died seven years earlier. I took off my wedding ring that day. But that didn't really make a difference. Inside the ring was the word Always. He was my rock. He was my life. I still feel married fifty years after our wedding day.

We don't really lose people to death, do we? They remain with us forever.


Judy said...

Hi Bobbie, Yes, I think that our loved ones that have passed on do stay with us forever. I sometimes feel they even visit us in dreams. I have the most vivid dreams of people that are no longer here. I used to call my mother every Sunday morning when she was alive. For years after she passed, on Sunday morning, I would think it was time to call her.

kenju said...

They do, Bobbie, through our good (or bad) memories.

This is so poignant. I miss my parents and grandparents and even my great grandparents, and my best school friend, who died of pancreatic ca 2years ago, and my best older friend, who has been gone more than 20 years, and I still think of her nearly every day.

pink dogwood said...

This is such a beautiful post. I wish I could come over and give you a hug. I miss my grandparents so much, especially when something good happens and I want to share it with them. I agree, our loved ones stay with us forever.

Kathie Brown said...

Oh bobbie, what a touching post. I feel your longing through your words. I feel your love for your husband. My Nana never remarried after my gandpa died either and my mom didn't after her divorce. I can't imagine losing my sister and friends are friends forever. I have a friend in CT that I will post aobut soon. She's been my friend since I was 16 and she was in her 50's. She's 98 now. I know new friends can never replace the old, but I also hope you feel the love of your blogging friends through the words and the keys of our computers.

♥♥♥ A- Licious ♥♥♥ said...


I totally believe that! They stay with us in our thoughts and memories...in our hearts! :o)

But man oh man i KNOW how you feel...I miss so many people myself...mainly my Grandmother Addie and My Grand-Pa-Pa Malcolm.....sigh....wish they were here to meet my little guy Kai...

GREAT post - so glad I came by - i missed ya....sorry i was gone for so long - but i will do better now!



Bear Naked said...

What we miss about the people in our life who have passed on is their physical presence.
Their voice, their touch and even their scent.
But God has blessed us with our ability to have their hearts and souls forever in our memories of them.

Bear((( )))

Casdok said...

They are with us forever. A beautiful post.

Minnesotablue said...

Although we can't touch or see them, they are always in our hearts and minds. Touching post bobbie.

Lisa said...

yes, they do remain with us. As you know, I lost Jeff this year, but I've also lost too many friends and acquaintances over the past three years.

While trying to keep our spirits up, my friends and I are banking on the bad luck in 3's thing... it's been 3 bad years, so we constantly tell each other that 2009 is going to kick ass!

I do believe I will follow in your footsteps. It's been only 5 months for me, but people are already telling me how I'm still young and will probably and easily find someone. You can never predict the future, but I honestly can't imagine ever not feeling married to Jeff. Maybe it's the type of relationship we've both been blessed to have... I don't know. Some things you just know in your heart.

As for the ring. I read that you're supposed to take it off as soon as possible. I can't. I love my ring. My ring has a couple very funny stories behind it, and it's a miracle that I still have it in my possession. I'm sure you didn't take yours off because you felt obligated to wear it, and so long as I don't feel obligated to wear mine, I plan on cherishing it right where it is.

Hugs Bobbie. For your pain, for your memories, and for your gentle heart that reaches out and touches those around you.

Dianne said...

I miss my Grandmother - she was the only person in my life who always made me feel comforted.

And I miss my sister - I miss arguing with her, picking on her, and I miss that she didn't see my son get married.

What I think is even worse - in a way - is to miss people who are still physically here with us. My brother has chosen to remove himself from his family. I miss him, we have the same sense of humor and I miss my nephew. Every time I mention my nieces I always pause for a moment and say to myself - and Tyler.

Thanks Bobbie for such a beautiful post. You're one of the kindest and most genuine people I've met on the internet.

Hugs and continued good memories.

bobbie said...

This time, every comment I've received has its own little story, and I want a group hug.

Kelly said...


This is the most beautiful expression of love that I have ever seen! Now, that I have quit crying, (seriously), I will tell you, that your entire family and friends and all of those living and dead, are better off for having you in their lives!

I miss my mother and grandparents so much and other family members and friends too, but especially them so much that some times, my heart feels as though it is literally breaking in half...

Our loved ones are just that, our "loved" ones, and some days are harder than others, but the happy memories do help on especially hard days.

This is absolutely so beautiful and it is an honor to call you a friend!

Sandpiper (Lin) said...

What a beautiful post this is. I miss so many people that live on in my heart. It's so true that those we love never leave us.

Ramblings of a Villas Girl said...

I believe our loved ones stay with us. There is something that we see or an expression we see that reminds us of them.

I find myself more and more when I go to make a phone call dialing my mom's phone number. I start dialing 886-37 and catch myself. I don't know why I have been doing this. It has almost been four years that we had that number. Maybe she is telling me to call the number and start talking to that person. Don't know, but it is weird.

Clara....in TN said...

Yes Bobbie, they are with us in the winds that blow and the stars that shine. I think of my dear Mother every time I look at a Pansy flower. They were her favorite.
Sending hugs to you for such a beautiful post! Clara

me ann my camera said...

Bobbie, you have touched many factors of missing those special people in our lives after they are gone, but some hit home more than others. And sharing those special moments and milestones in life is one that pushes the loneliness button for me.

Shelly said...

Absolutely amazing post Bobbie, I shed a few tears reading it. I've been wanting to post about friends and loved ones that I miss, but I haven't been able to find the right words - you wrote yours beautifully.

Anonymous said...

Thoughtful posting! Not only do we women "become" our mothers; but we become our loved ones, in general.

Although Hunky Husband and I were divorced for 11 years (following 19years of marriage) and although, during that time, two nice men asked me to marry them, I could never imagine being married to anyone other than HH. Fortunately, the nice woman whom HH asked to marry him said "no". Thus, Hunky Husband and I have been married for 20 years (and counting), this time. Would that you had the option, dear lady.

I found your blog through Kenju's link.
Cop Car

Wendy said...

I couldn't agree with you more. My parents have been gone for 10 years and there are times when I still go to pick up the phone to share something with Mom. Or I catch a whiff of somebody's cigar smoke and instantly turn around expecting to see Dad.
God Bless..