Wednesday, January 14, 2009


You started it, Dianne! Well, no. To be honest, I started it myself. You just sort of pushed me over the edge. I guess I started it a few days ago when I started talking about my mother and others talking about dying in the near future.

The times we're living in today, the general state of the world, and of this country in particular - just not conducive to optimism and good cheer. We start to take it personally. Begins to make us start wondering if we're doing it all wrong. And maybe, in the case of much older people, like myself, makes us start to wonder if we want to keep on going at all. We don't always acknowledge even to ourselves that we're thinking that way, but that's what it amounts to in the end.

My physical state at the moment is not all that wonderful. Winter has a lot to do with it. I ache and I creak and I'm so very tired. Between arthritis and angina and a myriad of lesser problems, it just seems sometimes to be too darned hard to get up in the morning and face another day. And when I do, I hear about war and political shenanigans and global warming and economic disaster, and I want to go back to bed.

I think maybe that's why I've started doing memes like Shadow Shot Sunday, and Mellow Yellow Monday. They not only distract me from what's going on out there, they are actually fun and cheery, and often beautiful. I know it's why I don't want to watch anything on TV in the evenings except inane sitcoms. I don't want to go to bed thinking of anything serious. If there's anything of import that I'll want to see, I record it for another time. On a night when everything on the air is violent or suspenseful, I just don't turn on the TV. I find the Britcoms on PBS the most entertaining. And I love Big Bang Theory. Ooops. I shouldn't say that. Whenever I start talking about a series I really like, it goes off the air. Hope I didn't jinx it.

There are a number of blogs that I turn to for beauty and inspiration as well. They keep me going through the day. And people like Dianne and Gina and Deborah and Ann and Sylvia, David and Ralph and Cliff - OK I'll stop, even though I haven't mentioned nearly all of them. And there's my family (which includes Lisa). But there are days when they just aren't enough.

Once we accomplished our goal of getting Mr. Obama headed to the White House, there was a terrific let-down. Felt like nothing left to do. I know. There are many things left to do - but that's how it felt for a while. And the way things have come about, January 20th will only be the start of a very long, difficult road over the mountains of problems that will have to be overcome. It isn't as if we've reached the peak, and it's all downhill from here.

OK. Have I brought everyone down to my level? Wow! Talk about depressing. Well, I'm not going to delete it all now. Just let me say - if I skip posting some days except for the memes, you probably wouldn't want to read it anyway. It would be like this one. When I start reminscing again, or thinking about my grandson, I'll write some more. (Yes, I have good days as well as bad, even in the winter.)

Want to cheer up a little? Here are a couple of pictures of said grandson - for no particular reason except that they cheer me.


Anonymous said...

I wouldn't call this post depressing, Bobbie, not at all! Introspective certainly, and maybe even a little challenging. We do have much to do, but I also believe our collective will is growing stronger, and that is everything. I know I'll be glued to CNN all day next Tuesday!

bobbie said...

Thank you, Deborah. Glad it didn't bring you down. I don't really think it's fair to burden everyone else with out bad moods. This was a pretty moody one.

I don't really expect many, if any comments on it either. Lisa's initial reaction was, "You're blaming Dianne?!" - which, of course, I'm not, but I'm sure Dianne understands that. :D

Now I have to go do some comments on other people's posts. When I tried it a while ago, Blogger wouldn't let me do any.

Unknown said...

That these picture of Isaac cheer you up is good enough reason to post them. Besides, they cheer me up, too!

I know exactly what you mean about the photo memes. It absorbs me to choose or compose just the right photograph and post it. To share it with others and see their comments makes me happy. I have to have some light and inspiration and beauty in my life or I will go insane. Because as you know from the post I wrote on Israel/Gaza, I would otherwise go totally mad. That post and responding to comments actually exhausted me for three days. I wrote that post on Sunday and it's only today that I had the energy to put any kind of effort into a new post - on art this time.

I wish you weren't dealing with all the ailments but I often think of you when I contemplate getting into my 70s and I think that as long as I have my mind, I will be okay even if I hurt all the time. But I know it won't be so easy when it actually happens to a worse extent than now. Because I already do have a lot of muscle tension from stress - my shoulders and neck ache all the time.

I also know what you mean about the "let down". I was glued to MSNBC all the time during the campaign and now I don't even want to turn the TV on. I've kept up with the Israel invasion but not much else. And compared to that, the dissection of Obama's cabinet choices seem pale worries.

Sylvia K said...

No, I wouldn't call it depressing either maybe I just recognize what you are saying because I've been doing some of the same thing. I read Dianne's post, too, and felt for and with her just as I do for and with you. Life isn't easy right now, I'm not exactly living the life I had hoped to years ago. That's not to say my life is bad, just not what I had hoped for back when. Blogging has been a real life saver for me and if I am able to give you a lift now and then, that's the greatest gift of all. Oh, and I have the same problem with Blogger from time to time and never know what brings it on. Please know that I'm always here as a friend and a listener. I love your pictures, you have a lovely family.

Dawn Fine said...

I feel things are getting better...slowly but surely things are changing...
and sometimes the difficult times make us bond with others a bit more...
I look forward to this Obama administration.
Rome wasnt built in a someone said.
hugs to you for a cheery day...

Hey Harriet said...

I can see why these adorable pics cheer you up!

I'm sorry things get you down sometimes. You've no need to apologise for sharing your feelings here. I appreciated this post and reading your thoughts about the state of the world. I agree that things are horrible a lot of the time. I guess I'm just one of those people who mostly chooses to bury my head in the sand. Ignoring things and hoping others will fix them. It's my coping mechanism. I escape by watching films, listening to music and taking photos of little things around me etc. Not so different to you. I think much of the time on my blog I come across as being a happy-go-lucky kinda person, but I have to confess that really isn't the case. I'm just not as brave as you about being so open about my feelings. So I admire you for being so open and honest and it just makes me respect you even more. I don't mean to imply that I am dishonest on my blog. I'm not. I simply choose to keep it fairly light-hearted and keep the dark stuff off there. I'm certainly not saying that is the 'right' thing to do. It's just helpful to me, to my state of mind to push myself to continue doing that. A form of therapy perhaps. If that makes sense. I started SSS because I thought it would be a bit of fun and a cool way of finding beauty in simple things (such as shadows!). I'm so glad that you find joy in it, just as I do. Makes me happy! As screwed up as this world is I'm always amazed and grateful for the cool connections within the global blogging community.

Sorry for such a long-winded comment!

Shady Gardener said...

Hi Bobbie, As far as I know, introspection is a good thing. Sometimes painful, but always good. By the end, it often forces me to see the many blessings I enjoy. That's a good thing, too!

Thank you for visiting me today. I love your Dr. Seuss plant. In fact, it looks more like a Twilight Zone plant! (What comes after it takes over your room?) ;-)

Have a good day. Stay Warm. Keep visiting! said...

with all due respect Bobbie, you sound like me when I need a vacation, somewhere warm & sunny. It happens to a lot of people around this time of year. Not getting enough sunlight really does a number on most of us. I think we would all benefit from sleeping more in the winter as well. I believe that is why God made the days shorter this time of year so we would do just that.
That's not to say I didn't enjoy reading your post. You always have something interesting to say. Besides, I am sure others just like me can relate to a lot of what you said.
Personally I also try to watch as little news as possible. I think it is purposely slanted to make everything negative because for some reason that happens to sell more than positive stories.There is just as much good as the negative, we just don't get to hear a lot if it unless we actively pursue it. It isn't readily available the way the doom & gloom is.
I hope this winter goes by fast for us all.
Big hugs to you Bobbie.
; )

kenju said...

Oooh, a kid in a box. I like it!!

I hope you feel better soon, Bobbie.

bobbie said...

Sylvia - No. It sure ain't easy. I do agree that blogging has been life-saving. You and I think alike much of the time.

Dawn - I do agree about the Obama administration. Sooner or later it is going to be Soooo much better!

Hey Harriet! - I love the name of your blog. Don't ever apologize for a comment being too long. It's like having real conversation. I love Shadows so much! Blue Monday is fine too, I'm sure, but there's something about shadows!

Shady - I love all your blogs. I don't comment on them often enough, but I'm there. Found out my daughter-in-law has a blackberry lily in her garden too.

Lily - I could sure use a vacation to CA! And I really do believe, NO news is good news!

Judy - Don't you just love kids in boxes! You're so good about commenting all the time. Thanks.

bobbie said...

Pagan - Thanks for your input. Caring so much about the problems of the world as you do is not just emotionally, but physically exhausting.

I'm sorry you're having physical stress so soon. I hesitate to talk too much about physical problems I'm experiencing because it is NOT necessarily something that goes with age. You should be able to look forward to retirement and aging with anticipation. You might sail through without any such problems. Just didn't happen that way for me. I often wonder if it would have been different if my husband had lived longer.

DeVona said...

Your blog is one of my daily visits and often an inspiration. I glean information from it- like being counseled by a wiser person or my mom. I want to know what it's like to be older (because my mom is too reticent to say anything about how she really feels about aging) So, please continue telling it like it is. It helps me cope. My favorite posts were the 10 best things about getting older as well as the ten worst things-

bobbie said...

DeVona - Thank you for the kind words. I've just come from your blog. My first visit. I am so impressed! Your photos and your drawings are both really wonderful! And I love your Christmas tree! The quilt you made into a hanging for the door is beautiful too.

I don't know about that wisdom thing. As I've said before, wisdom does not always come with age. And everyone is unique, so aging is not necessarily to your mother what it is to me. (And some days are a lot better than others anyway.)

I do think I should add you to me list. Oy vey! That list grows longer every day! But I would enjoy visiting you whenever I can.

Lisa said...

Just like the seasons, I guess our lives cycle as well. Our collective moods go well with this cold wintry weather... maybe things will be looking up by spring. One can always hope.

That's the one thing I try to keep at all times... hope.

Anonymous said...

Bobbie ~ It seems to me that this time of year is conducive to introspection and reflection. Your post reminded me of this fact, so thank you. I am not depressed by your reverie, but saddened, that you do not enjoy robust health. Just as spring lifts the spirit, let us hope that spring will mitigate some of our physical ailments, as well.

Well done on the cheering up! These photos of your grandson are priceless and just the ticket for chasing away those winter blues./Deb

me ann my camera said...

I appreciated reading your post and thank you for writing it. Over the Christmas season I was very unwell with a bad cold and flu and spent most of my time in bed for about a week. What scared me most about it was my tiredness and my lack of interest in doing anything. But everytime something gets me down I appreciate more and more my days when I am back on my feet again and my enjoyment of all the small things in my life take on gigantic importance and meaning to me; for it is those small numerous things that fill our days that often give them shape and meaning. The big things, and the bad things that are happening in our world are mostly out of our control, as are also the seasons and winter (brrr!). But the sharing of ideas and concerns, and photos of nature and beauty can go a long way to putting some pretty special highlights in a person's day at times I think. And your writing always provides one with reflection and room for thought in their own lives, as least yours do in mine.

Your grandson is very sweet and I can't help but think he is sitting in a box with a Canadian flag in the first photo, see what I mean :-)

Kathie Brown said...

Bobbie, I know that living in the north and cold and gray always would get me feeling down. Being here in the sunny south does help quite a bit, but with all the wars going on and all the violence, it does get a bit depressing at times. I know you will feel better when the sun returns and you can get outside once again. I'm glad blogging helps some. I know I am always glad when I see your comments on my blog. I think that no matter how old you are, your life has purpose and you never know whose life you may touch in a positive way. Your grandchildren are one example. You may never know how much you mean to them. I miss my Nana all the time. She had a huge influence on my life. One of my other best freinds is the woman who got me into birding in the first place. She is 98 years old now and we still email each other. I love her to death and always fear that she is gone if I don't hear from her! I like it that you are so honest with yourself and with us. Keep it up, please? And, I am sending you a warm Arizona hug through this blog. I hope you can feel it!

bobbie said...

Lisa, Deb, Ann, Kathie - You are all so good to me. Your words help a lot. Your presence in my blogging life helps a lot. I know winter will pass and with it my mood. Until then, people like you will get me through whatever comes along.

Patricia said...

Hi bobbie:
I know how you feel because sometimes I feel depress too. But when I stop thinking about the bad things in my life and start thinking about the good things I have then I start changing my mood I little bit. It looks you have a wonderful family (for your grandson photos) and you are living in a "safe" country (no war) and you have food every day, and although you have some winter now, you know that one day the sun is coming (some flooding in some countries)...please cheer up? Here is a joke:
Q. What's pink and fluffy
A. Pink fluff

Q. What's blue and fluffy
A. Pink fluff holding it's breath
I will come back for more jokes :D
happy weekend!

Tootie said...

Grandson is a real cutie! And ice skating, wow, sure don't see that here. :-)